R.I.P. Dan Ingram

My all time favorite disc jockey who graced the airwaves on “Music Radio 77, WABC” during the 60’s and 70’s, Dan Ingram, has passed away at age 83.

I remember listening to his show, often called “The Ingram Travesty” all the time, His quick wit, style and production abilities have never been equaled. Radio has lost one of the great “top 40 boss jocks” of all time. He was my inspiration to attempt a career in radio and I’m truly saddened by his death.

May “The angels carry you home” and may you continue entertaining those listening to heavenly radio WGOD.

Beach Etiquette

My wife and I enjoy going to the beach. We make a point of going before the summer season is in full swing. Early June is perfect because everything is open and there are no crowds. It’s very easy to make last minute reservations at some very fine restaurants with no hassle.

A few years ago, we rented a beach house in Cape May Point, New Jersey. It was a short walk to a beautiful beach. On Monday, we trekked over to the beach, set up our chairs and watched dolphins swim up and down the coastline. It was so peaceful, so quiet, so relaxing. The beach was nearly deserted, a few folks here and there, no closer than one hundred yards apart as the seagull flies. The quiet was not meant to be. A large family showed up and set up shop about 20 feet away from us. Mind you, the beach was nearly deserted. Out came all the beach toys, fishing rods and buggy boards. The music was cranked up and the beach olympics began. Frisbees went flying, paddle balls took flight and foot races to and from the water ensued. We mustn’t forget a good game of beach football thrown in for good measure. These folks were very athletic and very annoying.

After about fifteen minutes of these hi-jinx, I motioned to my wife that we should move. She mentioned that it would appear to be rude for us to get up and leave. I told her that was utter poppycock and so we packed up and moved far, far away. The rationale for these athletes to camp right next to us escapes me, but I won’t give it much thought.

I’m thinking about publishing a beach etiquette book in the near future. It should make for good reading on the beach. Some other points to be covered:

  1. Using the beach as an ashtray.
  2. Changing your baby in full view of everyone.
  3. Breast feeding your baby in full view of everyone.
  4. Robust folks wearing inappropriate swimwear.
  5. Attracting flocks of seagulls with your leftover food.

Don’t forget your suntan lotion!

Just Call Me Al

While on vacation in Cape May, N.J., my family and I visited an alpaca farm. We signed up for the “full contact” tour;  picture “swimming with the dolphins” in the Bahamas, minus dolphins and water. We got down and dirty with these curious creatures and I took some photographs. I have to say, they were very cooperative subjects. Thankfully, we were spared being spat upon, as this is one of their nastier habits.

 

New Beginnings

After a hard day at work, well to be truthful, it wasn’t that hard, I decided to have a cigar and enjoy this beautiful day. As I was sitting in my backyard, I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye. A doe and her fawn appeared and I grabbed my camera. You have to be fast on your feet when photographing wildlife. Above are some of the photographs I took.

 

Technology Out of Control

 

I read today that a self driving automobile killed a pedestrian in Arizona. This was bound to happen. The question is, why do we need driverless automobiles? Is actually driving a car that much of a burden? The whole concept is madness. Picture a highway jammed with self driving cars. Now picture a glitch with GPS or a malevolent virus rendering the cars uncontrollable. What happens? I don’t even care to ponder the mayhem that ensues. I am flummoxed as to why this idea is even being considered. Back in the sixties, we envisioned flying automobiles by the year 2020. Imagine cars crashing into buildings and falling from the sky. This was also a bad idea.

Another asinine idea is drones delivering packages? Why would we need this? How does a drone deliver a package to me if I live on the third floor of an apartment building? Does it shoot the package through my closed window? I hope not!

This goes hand and hand with what is called ” The Internet of Things.” You know, internet enabled appliances, thermostats, door locks etc. Why are these devices available? Why does my refrigerator need to be internet enabled? Why can’t I manually adjust my thermostat or unlock my door? These don’t seem to be exhausting or difficult tasks.

Recent intrusions ( hacking) into our power grid and water supply should teach us a lesson. Stop the madness! Luddites unite and use common sense! Get off your behinds and drive your own car, stop being so reliant on technology! Be in control and don’t be controlled.

I Now Pronounce You…

So, a while back, my daughter asked me if I would marry her. I told her she was too late, I was already spoken for. All kidding aside, what she really meant was if I would agree to be the officiant at the ceremony. This request seemed a bit odd since my theological knowledge is severely lacking and I am not a “man of the cloth,” although I do like the feel and cut of a fine suit. I learned that I could become an ordained minister online and that would allow me to perform the service. Needless to say, I was a bit skeptical that this was on the up and up. With my curiosity peaked, I started to research the viability and legality of becoming an ordained minister by merely registering online. As it turns out, it’s true!

Did you know that real, live, actual personalities such as Conan O’Brian, Stephen Colbert and Paul McCartney have been ordained online just like me. Still not convinced, I called the Probate Court clerk to get the real story. She was very accommodating and patient as I peppered her with questions. Bottom line, it is all legal and becoming more and more popular. Couples are seeking the familiarity of family and friends as officiants at their weddings. This is cutting edge stuff and I was all in!

Armed with the imprimatur of the court, I filled out the online form and presto, I was an ordained minister. I purchased a wedding kit and used a script generator to write the ceremony. Within a month, I officiated at my daughter’s wedding. It was a once in a lifetime experience for me and hopefully for her too… no returns!

Eligible Receiver

 

The Groaning Board

Super Bowl Sunday is right around the corner. The New England Patriots versus the Philadelphia Eagles at US Bank Stadium, home of The Minnesota Vikings. Truth be told, I had no idea who was playing or where it was being held. I just Googled it. Clearly, I’m not a fan.

It’s all about the food…

However, I’ve been invited to a Super Bowl party and I can’t wait! It’s time to loosen my belt and gorge on a groaning board of food. The lineup: chili, dips, chips, hot dogs, sandwiches, cheese, crackers, wings and demon alcohol. Competitive eating at its best! I’m training right now to become an eating machine. The playbook is quite clear on this matter, eat until you pass out! Stand aside and watch your fingers, lest they be mistaken for sausage links. Forward pass me that bowl of chips, blitz me a beer, am I an eligible receiver for some of that chili? It’s kickoff time!

It will be a grand day indeed, except, as previously stated, I’m not a football fan. Never have been, never will be. I don’t know the rules nor do I care to learn them. To save face, I’ll pretend to know what’s happening on the field. “Did you see that play?” “Sure did, was that a field goal or a touchdown? Beats the pig skin out of me! Testosterone will fill the air as I fist pump and hoot and holler with my compadres. It will be an Oscar worthy performance! I’ll zig and zag, just like the players on the field. “Was that a third down?” Uh oh, I don’t know, pass me the chicken wings.